Tuesday, June 8, 2010

FSOT x 2

Right this very minute my husband is sitting for the FSOT again. Yes, he's started his second candidacy. Same cone. PD. He's already on the register, just not sure he will get "the call."

He hasn't yet taken the German language phone test. He's not very confident in passing. At least the first time.

I miss being happy. And smiling. And laughing. And feeling like me.

I miss that happier me. I miss feeling secure.

Is it displaced by all this uncertainty? Sadness is in my head.
Trying to be positive. 

Gotta smile today for a family portrait to give to my in-laws for their 50th wedding anniversary. 


Bfiles said...

oh dear. Good luck to your husband today. Wish I could help bring back the smile. It's not an easy road, is it. Big hug.

fsowannabe said...

I'm sad to hear it's eating at you like this. I wish I didn't know how you and your husband feel, but I do. Best wishes for a sunnier day!

rkolker said...

They say (don't ask who who "They" are) that the average FSO takes the test three times. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's probably not a train.

Melissa V said...

Best of luck to your husband. I know how this wait can drag on you both. Uncertainty and insecurity are absolutely no fun, and I hope the mood passes soon.

Figure out something that you can all do this week (or weekend) that will bring the laughter and smiling back - then go do it. I hope that with a little thought - it won't be too big of an order.


Shannon said...

I am so sorry that you are down. Hang in there. Do something just for yourself.

Daniela Swider said...

Don't be sad. I know this is easier said than done and I can see that the waiting is killing you but your husband is part of of a small group of people that have ever passed the FSOT. He will pass it again but I have the feeling that you will get the call very soon too.

I am taking the test on Saturday but I don't think I will pass it because I keep making the same old mistakes on the practice tests. So I have decided that this will be my trial run. Then I will have a year to prepare properly.

Hang in there - this too shall pass.

Connie said...

Uncertainity is tough!! I hate not having answers. Hang in there!

I'll Take Mine... said...

Thank you for the concern and kindness. I appreciate it. Apparently I am not fun and funny all the time....shocker!!!
The family photo went well. I didn't have to pretend I like my family. Everybody smiled genuine smiles.

DTO said...

My wife and I know all too well what you are going through. I passed my OA six months ago and my clearance investigation is still pending - no adjudications yet, supposedly waiting on a single report for months now. We've watched the registers double in that time. My 5.3 isn't going to cut it, and I'll take a language test for a second time in August. All this on top of the fact that the clearance investigation destroyed my freelance business and now we are having to move from Europe to NA to try to get back on our feet. I also took the written test again yesterday - spending 8 hours on the train to make it work.

This process has been incredibly challenging. The determination to give it your best shot speaks wonders to your character. Two things make it bearable: knowing we are in good company with good people like your family, and knowing that in a handful of months we'll have the satisfaction that we conquered the process - even if we end up doing something else.

Stay strong. If you've read the Alchemist, remember the analogy of the spoon full of oil.

hannah said...

*hugs* That's all I've got for you. Rely on your loved ones and friends... they can get you through everything.