Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Gaining perspective. Feeling good.

It's been 2 weeks since the OA.

It seems like ages ago.

I am good. No, really. I have had a weight lifted.

I no longer wake up panicking. I am not crying at random times. I don't resent him. I am not wondering what it would be like if he went off to who-knows-where-istan, and I stayed here. I am not thinking that I need a therapist in order to cope.

I appreciate all the kind wishes, and the helpful comments. I appreciate people being hopeful that there is a way for us to get in to the Foreign Service. Even though my husband has been on the register for almost a year and is now listed again on the register, it isn't going to happen. The thing is, 5.4 isn't going to do it for PD, not in this current swing of things. There are 205 people on the list now. So 5.4 would mean needing a language. And not just any language. Not German, which he knows. It would mean a new language with more points. And that can't really happen while working full time, being a cub scout leader, a soccer coach and an involved father. The only way to learn a critical needs language would be quitting his job. With three kiddos, that isn't an option. We have to eat.

So, unless my husband decides to register for the FSOT for the (shoot me in the face with a nerf longstrike gun) THIRD time, the FS is out.

And we are both okay with that. It has been a long two weeks. We have had lots of talks. And we have realized that this process (which has been going on 1.5 years) has taken a toll on our lives. On our happiness. We realized that we weren't 100% sure the FS would be a good thing for me, us, our kids, our family. We had reservations. But we were pushing them aside. We realized that we don't need the Foreign Service. It isn't our only option. We've got choices. Oh, boy, do we have choices... maybe too many.

And now, we are connecting again. We are living in the here and now. We are feeling control over our plans and our lives. Not everything is roses, but that's okay.

I'm not saying the FS is out of the question for our future, but for now it's in my rear view mirror. And I have to say, the smaller it gets in the mirror, the better I feel.

11 comments:

Bfiles said...

so happy you have found some peace with all this. Enjoy your newfound time together.

Bryan said...

Well said, best of luck to you all.
Happy Holidays!

Shannon said...

I am glad that you are both at peace with the way things turned out. I am also glad that you are finally relaxing and not having random crying attacks. Enjoy your holiday and I hope you do keep blogging!

Daniela Swider said...

Wishing you all the best in whatever you end up doing! I too hope you will continue to blog.

Jodi H said...

Wonderful - and true - reflections. Very best wishes!

Noble Glomads said...

Everything happens for a reason. Good luck. From what I can tell, you seem like the type of person who can roll with the punches as they come. You will be fine. Some of the best times we've had were in nowhere's ville South Dakota, who would have guessed that one ?
Amy

LeesOnTheGo said...

Glad you like what you see in your rear view mirror.

Can I be selfish and say that I'm bummed we won't (likely) cross paths at some future post though? **selfish, selfish little me**

Looking forward to hearing which of the myriad of options you decide to go with.

NKL

eve said...

Glad to read this. You sound good and at peace with your decision. Hope to hear more from you!

Nomads By Nature said...

It's Friday and that means the weekly Blog Round-Up is here, and you're on it:

http://webtexans.wordpress.com/2010/12/17/many-joyous-celebrations/

If you'd like me to remove the link, let me know.

spectrummymummy said...

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Sorry the FS life is not going to be yours (for now), but good luck in your future endeavours.

Melissa V said...

I'm really glad to read that you guys are doing well and being happy with your now. Who knows what sort of awesome things the future will bring - enjoy!