It's been 2 weeks since the OA.
It seems like ages ago.
I am good. No, really. I have had a weight lifted.
I no longer wake up panicking. I am not crying at random times. I don't resent him. I am not wondering what it would be like if he went off to who-knows-where-istan, and I stayed here. I am not thinking that I need a therapist in order to cope.
I appreciate all the kind wishes, and the helpful comments. I appreciate people being hopeful that there is a way for us to get in to the Foreign Service. Even though my husband has been on the register for almost a year and is now listed again on the register, it isn't going to happen. The thing is, 5.4 isn't going to do it for PD, not in this current swing of things. There are 205 people on the list now. So 5.4 would mean needing a language. And not just any language. Not German, which he knows. It would mean a new language with more points. And that can't really happen while working full time, being a cub scout leader, a soccer coach and an involved father. The only way to learn a critical needs language would be quitting his job. With three kiddos, that isn't an option. We have to eat.
So, unless my husband decides to register for the FSOT for the (shoot me in the face with a nerf longstrike gun) THIRD time, the FS is out.
And we are both okay with that. It has been a long two weeks. We have had lots of talks. And we have realized that this process (which has been going on 1.5 years) has taken a toll on our lives. On our happiness. We realized that we weren't 100% sure the FS would be a good thing for me, us, our kids, our family. We had reservations. But we were pushing them aside. We realized that we don't need the Foreign Service. It isn't our only option. We've got choices. Oh, boy, do we have choices... maybe too many.
And now, we are connecting again. We are living in the here and now. We are feeling control over our plans and our lives. Not everything is roses, but that's okay.
I'm not saying the FS is out of the question for our future, but for now it's in my rear view mirror. And I have to say, the smaller it gets in the mirror, the better I feel.