Monday, October 25, 2010

The register is growing and I'm shrinking.

The PD register has 189 people on it. That is a lot of people. My husband sits about midway down the register. He's going to the Oral Assessment again in a little over a month. We are hoping that we gets a really good score so that he doesn't have to resume German study again. If he gets a great score, he'll be ready to be called up for an A-100 class zippity-quick, because he already has his security and medical clearances. At least that is my understanding. But you never know. I mean you just never know.

I'm sick of wondering if this whole FS career will happen. I don't mean I'm tired of wondering if it will happen. (Although that is true too.) I mean I've lost 20 pounds during the past few months. Not that I mind. I've been walking the dog most days that it's not incredibly lousy and wet and cold out. I've been trying to lay off the Twix bars and Reese's. (Mmm, Reese's.) But 20 pounds seemed like a lot. I had to hunt around the basement for the pants I was sure I wouldn't fit into again. Dare I call them the skinny pants? We could call them the "Depressed-from-trying-to-get-in-the-FS-pants." If I could just do something to help the FS entrance process that would make me feel better, but I am powerless. I have just been trying to run the home and kid stuff while my husband has worked and studied and tried to learn languages the last 18 months. I have tried to carry on like it isn't happening, keep living my life, but it's hard to do. Because if he wasn't trying to get in to the FS, why would he be getting up at 5 to study? Or why would he have spent all that time and money learning German? Or driving to DC for weekend study groups? Huh? I don't think I'm lacking some easy-going gene. And it doesn't mean I am having second thoughts about this. I'm just saying: This is hard. Right?

I'm going to look for the Reese's now. Top shelf, above the tea... here I come...

9 comments:

Lisa said...

I wish that stress made me lose weight. I always gain it like crazy instead, since I can't say no to chocolate or ice cream or, well, anything that tastes good. It didn't help that I was pregnant when we were going through the nerve racking months of waiting to get in. Hang in there and try to enjoy the "skinny" pants.

Alex said...

Pulling for you guys next month!

SassAndSweet said...

*crossing fingers* for you guys and the upcoming (once again) orals. Hope this pushes ya'all up the register.

Yes, the waiting ... is no fun. hang in there.

Bfiles said...

I had a Reese's in your honor today. 20 lbs, really? big hug, hoping next month is terrific. And yes, this is freakin hard, You are not crazy or lacking in the easy-going gene.
PS why is he going all the way to DC? how about NYC?

Daniela Swider said...

Yeah, it is very hard but it IS worth it, so hope it happens soon for you guys.

But OMG 20 lbs!!! I think I found all the 20 that you lost and it ain't pretty!

Chica333 said...

I am still checking in to see how things are going for you. I remember being in Guatemala thinking what are we going to do now when it looked like things might not work out. A little scary/stressful describes it well. I am sending lots of good wishes your way that everything happens for you guys.

Noble Glomads said...

Hang in there. We went through the same thing...quit job, sold house, moved in with family, and had a few hurdles to jump over that seemed really too high. ( months after passing the OA he made it and the rest is history. It is too depressing to watch the register and see your name constantly being inched lower. Good luck next month...hope he scores super high.

Find a happy place, find a happy place..... :)

wereposa said...

It is hard. Most things worth while are. Find your joy (mine would so TOTALLY be losing 20lbs), love on your kids and husband and be kind to yourself(ves). That is the best help. Joining on and then transitioning at each post is a new hurdle for balance, but it is possible and a lot of fun. We can't wait to have you all on board! Hang in there!

Destinaish Unknown said...

Burnout. Sucks.