Thursday, May 20, 2010

Pouf and Mullet, the 70's Vampire Band.

"Hey, Mama, what would you do if you found out Dada was really a vampire?"

This was the question I got out of the blue as I was driving nine-year-old B yesterday evening.

I should tell you we don't do the vampire stuff in our house. At least not yet. I don't watch True Blood. We don't even have cable. We haven't read those vampire books, you know the ones, where the teen girl fawns over the boy and says she'll love him even if he bites her and wrecks her life. And they look at each other longingly, a lot. I can't think of the name... you know the ones.


I paused and asked B what it would mean to me if Dada was, indeed, a vampire. How would that impact my life? Because I'd really need to know.

B told me that if I got bitten I would become a vampire and would not be alive any more. I couldn't see my reflection. I'd have to stay away from people. I'd have to avoid the sunlight and only come out at night. I'd want to drink blood.

Hm. I thought.

"Well, I guess I'd have a talk with Dada and I'd tell him that he could be a vampire but that I wasn't interested in being a vampire. So please do not bite me. He can be what he wants. But I can also be what I want and he shouldn't try to change me."

I am not even kidding. It's like the 70's Free to Be, You and Me album got pureed in a blender together with, well, blood and vampire fangs along with some parenting 101 course. I don't know what was happening to the words coming out of my mouth. But then I said this:

"Dada is a vegetarian and I'm not. We don't try to change each other. Just like he could be a vampire and I wouldn't have to be."

Jumping Josephine on a pogo stick! WTF?

But of course, then I had another thought.

Vampire = Vegetarian = ...
wait for it ...
Foreign Service Officer?!?!

Could it be?
Blood sausage for dinner, anyone?

In other news... I got my hair cut tonight and I now have what looks like a mullet instead of "side-swept wispy bangs," so that should be fun at the bus stop tomorrow. I'm hoping it looks a bit better when I have a hand in styling it. It ain't pretty, people. But that's what I get for trying the new girl. Pouf and Mullet. Free to Be.


Shannon said...

Blood sausage, ick, gag, just the thought. I love your parenting vegetarian vampire speech. Although if he were a vampire could he actually be a vegetarian?

Yesterday I heard on the radio that people in their 50's tend to be happier and less stressed than people in their 30's. I think I know why, KIDS.

Hope the hair gets better.

Connie said...

It is very good to keep an open mind and teach your kids to be accepting of others who are 'different' ;D !! I'm the 'vampire' in our family. I get the jokes when I have my steaks rare, or add garlic to nearly every meal (to keep the other vampires away), and wearing black (it's my favorite color - can't help it). I claim to be a Floridian vampire who NEEDS sun and water or I'll turn into a sad little pile of dust. Just found out there might be some truth to that theory... got some blood work done and found I am deficient in vitD (rel. to thyroid :p ) so I better get out and drink up some sun!

Daniela Swider said...

OK, I know I am going to gross you guys out but my grandparents made blood sausage every winter when I was growing up. I had a hard time going past the name for quite a while but when I eventually tried it wasn't bad. I am just saying that sometimes the name kills it...

You did good with the speech! I'm proud of you!

As for the hair, I've had those moments too, when you ask for something and you walk out of the salon looking anything but...

Not sure if you'll find comfort in this but my peeps used to say, "Never fret about hair and nails - they grow back!"

A Daring Adventure said...

Oh STOP! I'm sure your hair looks wonderful!

You are utterly gorgeous - I've seen the pictures! - and there's no WAY your hair looks anything like that hysterical picture you posted!

You're so funny...

I, also, loved your little vampire speech and we, also, don't EVER have cable, except for now, in our Oakwoody Type Place, where there's free cable for all and I don't like it One. Bit. LOL!

hannah said...

It's Friday, time for the weekly State Department Blog RoundUp - and you're on it!

Here is the link:

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